Walking Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death

I haven't blogged for about a week. I have been getting used to having my husband home again, and taking care of him.


On February 1st, 2013 my husband went in for what was to be an open-heart surgery to replace a bad heart valve that he was born with. We were thrilled to find out that, with the exception of that bad valve, my husband was in perfect health. We were told he would be out of the hospital in eight days and that in six weeks he would have the heart he had at 30 years old.


To make a long story short, while in the hospital to my husband contacted one of the two flesh eating diseases. In total he would spend 3 and ½ months in the hospital and he would have seven operations. The disease ate his sternum, a couple of ribs and muscle tissue. His heart had nothing to hold it in his body.  He had two plastic surgeries to make him a chest.


I would spend my days hearing "Mrs. Miller your husband is a very sick man, prepare yourself for the worst," or "He's doing better today, but he has a long way to go."


At one point the emotional roller coaster we were on became too much to bear.  That day I had received a call telling me my husband was going into renal failure. He was born with only one kidney, as well as that bad heart valve. The one kidney was failing.


I had been praying for days, but this particular day was different, I was not even able to hold on to the knot in the rope, as they say.


I threw myself down on the floor and cried out to God, "Father, either take him or heal him. Whatever you decide I will accept your will, but this is too much Father, I cannot take this one more day.


I would later find out that on that very same day my husband, who was coming in and out of consciousness, had a supernatural experience of his own. He remembers beginning to fade and seeing this beautiful angel in front of him who said, "You were supposed to die today, but now you will live!"


From that day forward my husband began to get better. The kidney doctor came him and said, "I can't explain this but your kidney is no longer failing, in fact it's in perfect condition!"


We have a long, long way to go. My husband is not able to sit in the front seat of a car, for fear the airbags, if deployed, would go through his fragile "chest" and kill him. He took 2 medications prior to this. Now he takes 20 pills a day. He now has to take anti-blood clotting meds as well as insulin for diabetes. He gets tired easily and he cannot walk without holding on to me, or something like a cane. He had muscle tissue used to rebuild the chest; therefore simple things we take for granted such as opening a door, seem hard for him.


Our doctor bills, because of the unclean hospital operating room where he caught the flesh eating staph infection, are over $600,000.00.


But the good news is that God saved him to live with us for another day!


Having a family member that is close to dying, has taught me so many things. Foremost, I have so much more compassion for those who are ill everyday of their lives.  I have compassion for caretakers too! Theirs is a thankless job.


God's ways are not our ways. During the hardest days of our lives, though, His presence in our lives gives us peace and surrounds us.


People, when they first hear of your problems, are careful to offer prayer and help. However, the longer the situation goes on, so does their lives and you only have a few people that stand with you through the long days of a lingering illness.


How do people make it without God, during these hard situations? A lot of them don't and sometimes they cannot bear it and often take their own lives  and the life of their sick loved one.


Philippians 4:13 holds me up on my worst days, "For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"


Bad things do happen to good people, but that's okay because those of us who know Him can run into His strong arms on the days when it all gets too much to bear!


I have learned not to question Him. I have learned, as Job did, to say, "Yet though He slays me still will I praise Him!"


No matter what you are experiencing today, know that He is with you!  He will give you the strength to make it through your dark night of the soul.  Quit carrying this yourself. Give it to HIM!


In His Love,

Pastor Cathie Miller


For We Know That Nothing...No Thing..  is impossible with God