"What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" II Corinthians 6V15
Are you
one of the "walking wounded?" Has everything you know about
relationships been learned the hard way? Maybe it's time to take a step back,
stop and understand why you keep dating jerks. Healing from a relationship break-up
is never easy. Often when the crying, anger and sadness ends a woman starts to
ask herself "Why didn't I see this coming?"
You may
have been the one to initiate the breakup, yet the feelings of loss and hurt
can be overwhelming. The best thing a wise woman can do is simply get past it
and take time to heal. The worst thing a woman can do is jump into another
relationship without figuring out what truly went wrong in the last one.
Life is
tough, and it's never fun being alone. You look around you when you are alone
0and see nothing but seemingly happy couples. It is in these lonely times that
women are vulnerable to falling prey to the "Vending Machine Man."
Did you
ever forget to bring your lunch to work? You look up at the clock and before
you know it lunchtime is upon you. You could kick yourself for not taking the
time to make something last night. You start to give yourself an excuse like,
"I was too tired." So what do you do? Chances are great that you will
rush in to the break room and get something out of the vending machine. You
know it's going to blow your diet, it's not good for you and you will hate
yourself later. Still you put that dollar in the slot and grab your treat from
the machine.
Many
women use this same type of mentality in picking a man. They are tired of being
alone. They don't take time to prepare themselves and they don't take time to
look at red flags. They simply jump into a relationship by grabbing the first
man who shows a little interest in them, and has a job.
Before you
know it the man starts to show his true colors. You start to realize that this
wasn't the man you wanted in your life. You actually have very little in
common. Like the food in a vending machine, he just doesn't satisfy you for
long.
So, how
does a woman avoid the "vending machine" mentality in choosing a man?
The first thing she does is to decide what she really wants in a man. The smart
woman becomes willing to go through those temporary lonely days. She knows her
lasting happiness is worth it.
Make up
your mind that you will sit down and make a list of things that you "must
have" in a relationship. Be specific in your list. List his height,
weight, hair color, political affiliation, family structure, and religious
beliefs. List anything that is important to YOU. It's doesn't matter what
anyone else thinks. This list is private.
Next,
decide which of the things on your list that you might be willing to compromise
on. For instance, you like beards but if he doesn't have one it is not going to
be a deal-breaker. Once you have the list complete put it somewhere where you
can look at it often. Take it out at least once a day and read through it. Get
a picture in your mind of what you want and don't let go of that
"vision."
From that
point on when you meet a man, that might be prospective dating material,
remember your list. If he doesn't fit the man of your list, be brave and move
on. You are now involved in smart dating. You no longer will participate in
"Vending Machine" dating. Just because the man looks good he may not
be good for you in the long run.
When
women take dating seriously and prepare for it, they become much stronger.
Strong women make good dating choices and end up with much less emotional
baggage.
The next
time a man wants to date you ask yourself, "Would I date him if I wasn't lonely and looking for a
quick fix?" If you can honestly answer, "Yes" then and only then
consider dating him.