When we, as Christians, have been hurt terribly due to the actions of another human being we must forgive them. Whether we restore them to fellowship with us, however, is quite a different story.
I counsel with folks on a regular basis that have been hurt terribly by someone they loved. It may have been a cheating spouse, a grown child, or a physical or mental abuser.
Many times, in the guise of being forgiving, the Christian lets the person back into their life only to keep getting hurt again and again by the person.
Lets be clear that we are to be forgiving, and IF the person has quit the behavior that hurt us in the first place, we have the choice to bring them back into our lives. It is however, our choice.
It's one thing to restore friendship with someone who you had a disagreement with. It is quite another to try and restore friendship with someone who still is involved in adultery, drugs, alcohol or any other highly dysfunctional behavior. By dysfunctional behavior, I am talking about things that people do that makes victims of those around them.
Time after time I hear stories of people who have spouses that walk in and out of their lives on a regular basis. They are spending time with the person and the other intimate partner, off and on, on a regular basis. I also hear of people being conned into letting drug abusers, alcoholics and even child abusers back into their homes.
The excuses are always the same "God wants us to forgive people, and I forgive them." It almost has become the mantra for Christians with low self-esteem. I understand that because for years I did the same thing. Yes, God wants us to forgive, but there needs to be a time of proving themselves for the partner who really hurt us needlessly! It's really simple. The person needs to be truly sorry for what they did and they are going to need a time of proving themselves contrite and willing to change before we should let them back into the environment we live in.
Many times Satan uses our good forgiving natures against us. Jesus told us to expect enemies. "Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves" Matthew 10:16. In short when you let yourself live with Satan (or someone under his influence) you have the devil as your father-in law. Don't be surprised or hurt then, when you find yourself under extreme attack.
Why is it unwise to trust someone who is not walking with the Lord on a continual basis? The main reason is because that person is going to sabotage the calling God has on your life. That's why the person was put into your life to begin with.
You know Delilah looked really great to Samson. He thought he needed her and he definitely wanted her. The problem was she was sent to zap his strength and that's exactly what she did. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing with an assignment against his life. Ezra 4:23, 24.
We become like folks we spend time with. We always think we can change these folks. We think we can lead them to Christ. It has been my unfortunate experience that it is just the opposite. We actually become more like them and over time they kill the faith we have and our vision. The bible says, "An a man's foes shall be those of his own household." Matthew 10:36
God's perfect will is that you are delivered from ANY enemy, even those in your own household who are not living for him. "And that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men: for all men do not have faith." 2 Thessalonians 3:2.
If you have let yourself be conned again by someone like this I believe the Holy Spirit will provide answers for you to be delivered from the situation. It will, however, take willingness on your part to believe that you deserve much better then living with a person who mistreats you. I believe that God wants you to turn aside from someone like this for a time, and possibly forever. God, like any other loving parent, only wants the best for you. When you come to him and admit that you made a mistake in trusting the person and need His help, you can count on Him helping you.
God wants us to understand that these person need to apologize to US for their behavior. He wants us to have high enough self-esteem to forgive them and yet still walk away. The only person that can lead another person to Christ is the Holy Spirit. The bible says that when the Holy Spirit comes upon a person the Holy Spirit will lead them into truth.
The Holy Spirit in us is more powerful then any enemy we have "Greater is He (GOD) that is in us, then he (Satan) who is in the world." 1John 4:4
In conclusion, be willing to forgive but don't restore the mean or dysfunctional person to fellowship without a time of them living alone and asking to be forgiven by us and by God. That should be followed by a time of testing their Spirit with discernment before we associate ourselves with them again. That's what a person who has good self-esteem does. We should always love ourselves as much as God loves us!
Living with the enemy of your soul? I offer free counseling. Use the contact form at the right.