After Pain Comes A Time Of Surrender

In Isaiah 2:22 God asks “Why are you putting your trust in frail people who are alive for so short a time?” Then in the next verse God goes on to say that He is removing from His people their “props” these being the external things on which they depend. The reason? He wants his people to trust only in Him.


In 1972 I was taking a nap. I only had my two eldest children at the time. I was young, married and living in a beautiful home in California. I guess, by the world’s standards, I had it “all”. I remember having the most intense dream at the time. I saw a rotating Christmas tree. It was beautifully decorated and gorgeous multi- colored lights glistened on it. It started to rotate and as it did it whirled around faster and faster. Suddenly it stopped and the tree turned into Jesus. He looked at  me with large beautiful eyes and shook his head in sorrow; He said to me “My heart cries for you.”  Years later I can look back at that and it gives me so much comfort to know that God was preparing me for years of different types of pain ahead.


I woke up from that dream in a cold sweat! It was a lucid, vivid dream and I wondered what was meant by it. For years my life would go on just wonderfully and then, in the blink of an eye, my life changed and things would not be happy again for me for many, many years, even though I would accept the Lord as my savior in 1976.


It started in 1981 when my mother died suddenly right in from of my eyes. She had a massive stroke that went to her heart first and then to her brain. She died in front of me, with me standing beside her as she breathed her last breath.


That was hard for me because I am an only child. My father traveled for his job and was gone all week and only home on weekends during my childhood. So mother and I were very close and very good friends. She was my “prop.” I knew that she loved me unconditionally. In my young eyes I thought I had lost everything.


I had a major mental breakdown at that point. It was only the beginning of God stripping me of everyone I depended on more then Him.


Why did he do it? I believe because He wanted to use me for His purpose in ministry to other hurting people. What happens to us when everyone that is there for us leaves our lives? We should turn immediately to our heavenly father. I just wasn’t grounded enough in Him to do that yet. I spent years wandering around from one bad situation to another looking for someone to fill the emptiness, the loneliness. I needed someone to love me unconditionally. I was to find out, through it all, that God is the only thing anyone of us can truly depend on.


I went through times of intense testing. Through those times of testing I was amazed to see how each and every time, when it appeared I was done for, Christ showed up and miraculously saved me!


Whatever it is that we are depending on more than God, if he calls us, he is going to start slowly taking it away by removing the things and people we depend on rather then Him. You know that these “props” can be our families, our jobs; our large fancy homes, drugs, and alcohol, ect. But there is one reason we lose them and that’s because He wants us to trust Him, unconditionally, not anything or anyone else.


If we are wise, we can see right away what it going on and determine in our minds that all we truly need is God. In Isaiah 54 v 5 we read the following “For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord of Hosts is His name. Redeemer of the whole earth He is called.”

In the 7th verse we read “For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great compassion and mercy I will gather you into me.”


When we first lose our support systems, whatever they may be, for most of us it is really panic time. We are scared and we just don’t like it. It feels uncomfortable to be out in this old world without our “prop.” We don’t like it, and sometimes we run to anything or anyone. We panic and will do anything to avoid feeling uncomfortable.


If you are there right now, I ask you to throw your hands up and say to God “I surrender it all, Father. You can have it all! All I need or want I have in you.”


If you have recently been, or at this moment, going through a time of severe testing along these lines, do not be upset. Recognize it  for what it is and let God refine you. In the end you are going to come out like a bright new shiny diamond! A diamond doesn’t start out looking good. It is cut and the rough edges are filed off. Then it’s buffed and shined. Then and only then is it beautiful!


Anyone who has ever been in love knows the feelings of jealousy surrounding even the thought of someone taking your beloved from you! Well, it’s like that with God. He says in the Song of Solomon, “I am my beloved’s and He is mine.” He is jealous of anything, or anyone we put before Him. When you start to realize, that as a child of God He has to be first and put Him on the throne of your life…not your sweetheart, not your children, not your wealth, or job….. Everything in your life will be better then you can ever imagine!


For We Know That Nothing...No Thing..  is impossible with God